Caught by Grandma Having Sex in HER House!

Okay, first up this wasn't me, but my crazy azz cousin J. First of all, I did live with my grandparents for a minute when I was about the same age as him (19) and was working to put myself through college. Let me say that I have NEVER done the deed in that woman's house.Now, I will admit I came pretty dayum close one time when she went to Alabama one summer (see I made sure granny was not even in the same state at the time since I value my life.... J needs to take some notes).

Anywho, I called my steady boyfriend at the time over and we went down to the basement to get it poppin. Now something suddenly came over me and every nasty, wicked, slutatious thought I'd previously had was suddenly gone. I don't know it if is because of the fact that the basement smelled like liniment and mothballs, (which is far from sexy) was the turn off or what; but suddenly I felt like I was being watched by some spirit or something. I even started to feel physically sick and guess what I did get physically sick with tonsilitis and couldn't even talk. I wound up sending ole dude on his way with blue balls and I forever had a complex that my granny somehow knew I was up to no good and put roots on me so when I entered that basement, I would feel horrible, both literally and figureatively.

And not a moment too soon did that dude leave, because it seemed like 30 seconds later my pentacostal great aunt Sarah came barreling in the house and straight to the basement like a lo-jack detective or something talking about "Praise Him. G'mawnin!" Talk about a close dayum call! Sheeeeeet. All It needed was that woman to call Alabama and tell my granny... not to mention aunt Sarah would have taken authority in Jezuz name and commenced to whooping my azz and ole dude's azz at the same time with anything in her pathway and be claiming to be casting out demons the whole way.

Incidentally out of my granny's 4 kids, none of them were bold enough to even do the deed under her roof. Back in the day, my daddy who was her eldest and his 2 brothers all had pimped out Chevy's or cars with big azz backseats so they could do the deed in a dark spot somewhere and not have to spring for a hotel room. This dude doesn't have a car, but works two dayum jobs, so I don't understand why he didn't just get a dayum room somewhere.Granny claims that she told this dude that he would not be having female company upstairs in his room and they could sit on the front porch.

Ok, this dude is seriously retarded or something seeing as he directly disobeyed her WHILE SHE WAS HOME!!!! Moments later that granny radar went off and she flew upstairs like a bat outta hell, where she says she saw this "heiffa lying butt nekkid and eagle spread on her bed, in her house giggling." Needless to say Granny was fit to be tied and wound up beating dogshyt outta both he and the chic out of the house and into the street, butnekkid with a dayum window shade roll, a newspaper and anything else that she happened to come across in her fit of rage.

She called the chic a "nasty, nekkid-tailed hussy" and told J that the girl's azz was nasty if she would come and lay up in someone's home like it's a whorehouse and she's probably done it before and that he was going to "catch FIRE in his ding-a-ling" because of her.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOGranny is still hot behind this whole thing and said, "I tole that hussy that we over here taking care of this retarded nigga and if she mess around and get a baby, who in the hell she think gonna take care of her and a dayum baby?" She said "I grabbed that dayum window shade and a newspaper and I whooped azz til I couldn't see azz." LMAOOO

All while this is going down now, J, is standing there pleading "Grandma please stop beating us before you have a heart attack!" LMAOO Little did he know that Granny was well rested from spending the week at my house that she had plenty of energy to administer a good old-fashoined cut-ass. I only wish I was there with a video camera. Dayum that would have made a good reality show! You can't make this shyt up I swear.

Now I know some of you may think I am wrong for LMAO about it, but it is dayum funny. It isn't like J didn't know the story of my crazy azz older brother who came to visit with his live in girlfriend at the time and Granny made it known, "Wadn't two unmarried peoples sleeping together under her roof." She whipped out some of our grandaddy's flannel pajamas and made my brother put them on and climb in the bed beside HER and told his girlfriend to come upstairs and get in the dayum bed with me and my sister. We were all grown. Homegirl was not even playing though and was like he would not be creeping upstairs at night and if he did, one of us had better wake up and wake her azz up!

If you have a Southern or Caribbean Granny then you need to know right now that "Granny don't play dat!" So scrape your pennies together and go on to the motel or hit the backseat in order to get your stroke on. If not, I will be writing a blog about you and LMAO just like I am right now about my crazy, azz whooped cousin.