Do You Believe in the Secret?

A friend of mine kept urging me to read the book "The Secret" and insisted that it would change my life the minute I read it. I can't really say that it did and not because I am a cynic or a skeptic (although I can be at times). I mean I get the whole concept that the energy that you put out into the universe is what you will attract. I believe in Karma, but most of all I believe in God.

In reading this book, it only helped me understand more about the dynamics of how I was able to get through some situations in my life. I grew up in a very spiritual household. My mother was not a religious zealot or anything but always taught her kids who God was and that he can hear your prayers no matter how great or how small and that he answers prayer. I also grew to respect all religions. My mom was a Seventh Day Adventist, but had no problem worshiping in a Baptist Church, Jewish Temple, Catholic Church, etc. She believed that God was everywhere. I believe the same and that the church is basically in "you" and that is where God dwells, so as long as you believe that you can pray anywhere and know and expect that God will hear you.

Ok, I didn't mean to sound all preachy right there. But I say that to say that in The Secret, a lot of what is written in terms of beliefs and laws of attraction are essentially the fundamental principals that one who is raised in a church or with a religious background would know and practice.

For example, A few years ago, I found myself in facing a legal dilemma where I could have gone to jail for a significant amount of time. I could not find a lawyer who would touch the case with a 10 foot pole. I had searched high and low and called every single large firm and lawyer that specialized in that area of law listed in Martindale Hubbell. I had attorneys tell me that my case was a lost cause and even hopeless. Some were even frank enough to tell me that I was 'crazy' for even pursuing it because there was little chance that I would win and even still I would have to pay a huge fortune for representation, which I also didn't have.

Having worked in the legal field for a short time prior to this, I refused to accept this as my fate, even though I still had no lawyer to represent me and the outcome looked very grim. Yet something in me pressed on and remained optimistic that I would not go to jail. More importantly, I remained determined to find someone that I could afford who would take this case. Even as the deadline grew nearer and it felt like the walls were closing in on me, I kept insisting to myself and anyone who would listen to me that "It can't go down like this."

This is basically what the secret tells you. Put it in the universe what you want and you will get it back. Needless to say, I wound up asking for an extension on the deadline to respond to the allegations claiming I still had not managed to retain legal counsel. I was granted this request and was grateful that I was able to stall for some time while I tried to figure out my next move. I still continued to hunt for an attorney to take my case. The evening before the second deadline approached and I received a call from an attorney I previously met with who had advised me that he needed to talk it over with his Partner.

For some reason I wasn't optimistic about this though and figured that was his polite way of letting me down easy by making it seem like the Partner decided it wasn't worth the bother. Miraculously, though this man told me he could take my case, but felt bad because he had to chagre me a retainer. Again, I was expecting to be quoted some outrageous amount that I could never afford in a million years, but was so surprised when he told me the amount. (Don't get me wrong, it wasn't cheap, but I at least had that much in my savings where I told him to stay put and ran all the way to his office with my checkbook in hand). I'm a free woman today (and even a few dollars weathier) because of that magnificent lawyer who some folks thought was even crazier than I was.

At that time, I didn't know that I knew "The Secret." I just knew that I had a positive and resilliant spirit and in general I am not one who takes no for an answer. I wonder how many other people have been practicing the 'secret' or that type of positive thinking and reaping the rewards for so long without knowing that it is 'the secret'?

Caught by Grandma Having Sex in HER House!

Okay, first up this wasn't me, but my crazy azz cousin J. First of all, I did live with my grandparents for a minute when I was about the same age as him (19) and was working to put myself through college. Let me say that I have NEVER done the deed in that woman's house.Now, I will admit I came pretty dayum close one time when she went to Alabama one summer (see I made sure granny was not even in the same state at the time since I value my life.... J needs to take some notes).

Anywho, I called my steady boyfriend at the time over and we went down to the basement to get it poppin. Now something suddenly came over me and every nasty, wicked, slutatious thought I'd previously had was suddenly gone. I don't know it if is because of the fact that the basement smelled like liniment and mothballs, (which is far from sexy) was the turn off or what; but suddenly I felt like I was being watched by some spirit or something. I even started to feel physically sick and guess what I did get physically sick with tonsilitis and couldn't even talk. I wound up sending ole dude on his way with blue balls and I forever had a complex that my granny somehow knew I was up to no good and put roots on me so when I entered that basement, I would feel horrible, both literally and figureatively.

And not a moment too soon did that dude leave, because it seemed like 30 seconds later my pentacostal great aunt Sarah came barreling in the house and straight to the basement like a lo-jack detective or something talking about "Praise Him. G'mawnin!" Talk about a close dayum call! Sheeeeeet. All It needed was that woman to call Alabama and tell my granny... not to mention aunt Sarah would have taken authority in Jezuz name and commenced to whooping my azz and ole dude's azz at the same time with anything in her pathway and be claiming to be casting out demons the whole way.

Incidentally out of my granny's 4 kids, none of them were bold enough to even do the deed under her roof. Back in the day, my daddy who was her eldest and his 2 brothers all had pimped out Chevy's or cars with big azz backseats so they could do the deed in a dark spot somewhere and not have to spring for a hotel room. This dude doesn't have a car, but works two dayum jobs, so I don't understand why he didn't just get a dayum room somewhere.Granny claims that she told this dude that he would not be having female company upstairs in his room and they could sit on the front porch.

Ok, this dude is seriously retarded or something seeing as he directly disobeyed her WHILE SHE WAS HOME!!!! Moments later that granny radar went off and she flew upstairs like a bat outta hell, where she says she saw this "heiffa lying butt nekkid and eagle spread on her bed, in her house giggling." Needless to say Granny was fit to be tied and wound up beating dogshyt outta both he and the chic out of the house and into the street, butnekkid with a dayum window shade roll, a newspaper and anything else that she happened to come across in her fit of rage.

She called the chic a "nasty, nekkid-tailed hussy" and told J that the girl's azz was nasty if she would come and lay up in someone's home like it's a whorehouse and she's probably done it before and that he was going to "catch FIRE in his ding-a-ling" because of her.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOGranny is still hot behind this whole thing and said, "I tole that hussy that we over here taking care of this retarded nigga and if she mess around and get a baby, who in the hell she think gonna take care of her and a dayum baby?" She said "I grabbed that dayum window shade and a newspaper and I whooped azz til I couldn't see azz." LMAOOO

All while this is going down now, J, is standing there pleading "Grandma please stop beating us before you have a heart attack!" LMAOO Little did he know that Granny was well rested from spending the week at my house that she had plenty of energy to administer a good old-fashoined cut-ass. I only wish I was there with a video camera. Dayum that would have made a good reality show! You can't make this shyt up I swear.

Now I know some of you may think I am wrong for LMAO about it, but it is dayum funny. It isn't like J didn't know the story of my crazy azz older brother who came to visit with his live in girlfriend at the time and Granny made it known, "Wadn't two unmarried peoples sleeping together under her roof." She whipped out some of our grandaddy's flannel pajamas and made my brother put them on and climb in the bed beside HER and told his girlfriend to come upstairs and get in the dayum bed with me and my sister. We were all grown. Homegirl was not even playing though and was like he would not be creeping upstairs at night and if he did, one of us had better wake up and wake her azz up!

If you have a Southern or Caribbean Granny then you need to know right now that "Granny don't play dat!" So scrape your pennies together and go on to the motel or hit the backseat in order to get your stroke on. If not, I will be writing a blog about you and LMAO just like I am right now about my crazy, azz whooped cousin.